DANGER: Do not work at a Floral Shop on Valentine’s Day

Since I have returned to my hometown, I work at my old job (a florist).  They were kind enough (desperate) to take me back, and it is nice to come home and be able to start working right away.  I have made it clear to them that I am only working there until I find something else (better) that offers medical benefits and doesn’t involve slave-style duties.

Anyway, other than the usual crap that takes place at that hellhole, I also got to witness one of the biggest shit-shows know to floral shops everywhere: Valentine’s Day.  Since most men do not understand the concept of planning ahead, we were very slow the week before the dreaded day… and the atmosphere was similar to the feel on a beach before a horrific storm, quiet lapping waves of the sea gently tapping the shore before a tsunami.  We prepared the balloons, decorated some azalea plants, memorized the holiday prices, and ordered about a million roses. 

Then came February 13th, the phonecalls began… and they did not stop.  Men calling, leaving it up to me (who could care less) to decide what they should send their girlfriends/ wives for the holiday.  Trying to make small talk as I read off prices of roses and other dumb arrangements that are just going to die in a week anyway.  I convince them to add a balloon, or a stuffed animal, or even an overpriced box of chocolates.  Most men just want a dozen red roses- how very original!  The florists (the one’s who actually make the arrangements- I just take the orders) are abuzz- and by abuzz I mean violent and bitchy.  Snapping everytime I place another invoice on their workstation- yelling that they need a second choice in case they run out of the first, demanding I slit my wrists and flail on the floor to redeem myself.  Well, not really- but they were really mean.

Then the 14th.  I wake up and suddenly know what a death row inmate feels like on his or her big day.  Dreading it, but somewhat releived that all of it is almost over.  I dragged myself to work, trying to meditate and create a calm atmosphere while driving through the type of traffic that only a certain type of neighborhood (shitty) can generate- people walking down the middle of the street, no turn signals, old rust-buckets broken down and taking up a whole lane, and a crater-sized pothole ever 4 meters. 

I pull into work and am immediately yelled at, for no reason at all, and have to start answering the phones before I even get my coat off.  There is a line of loser guys outside the door already, the florists are on suicide watch, and everyone is generally pissed off. 

It was awful, but like many trauma victims, the details of my abuse are fuzzy- I think I’ve blocked it out.  But it sucked, I have worked retail for 11 years now and through all the Christmases, spring blowout sales, and Mother’s Days I have never seen anything like it.  We all survived, but a little piece of me died that day- and my husband will never have to get me a Valentine’s Day present ever again.  And a note to all you men out there- don’t walk into a florist and think you’re cute and sweet for remembering, and expect us to give a shit about you, your girlfriend, whether or not she likes roses, or comment about the prices… we just see you as a hurdle, and want to get over you and move on the the next one as quickly as possible.  Pick your flowers, pay, and get out before you get hurt.

I need a new job in a bad way.

It’s pronounced “new-clee-ar”

Not “nuke-U-lar.”  One would think that after nearly eight horrific years in office somebody would inform President Bush of the correct pronunciation of his favorite word.  This country is doomed, and I can support that with the following evidence:

I was robbed of my judgment for about 10 minutes last night and decided to create a MySpace account.  I wanted to be friends with the lead singer of Days of the New for some reason, and figured I could do it on MySpace- like I said, lack of judgment.  But as I was filling out the required fields, I got down to the language selection.  ‘American’ or ‘Canada-English.’  Are you kidding me?  It was then that I realized what the collective intelligence level of MySpace members is, and decided I did not want to be associated with a group of the population who thinks they speak ‘American’ and not ‘English.’  This is why I hate everyone.  I’m serious, when I meet someone I hate them first and then decide after time whether or not I like them.  I hate by default, and am usually accurate because most people I come across are ignorant, rude, lack empathy, and when asked what language they speak probably answer ‘American.’

But that’s just me on some days.  I guess I’m not always hateful, just getting carried away :)  I’m actually quite happy because after being stranded in the Toronto airport (an excellent place to go if you need a heaping helping of rudeness and stupidity) for 24 hours I am finally home.  My dogs are here, my family is here, and my mom is taking me shopping- so besides the fact that I’m convinced the world is going to hell in a handbasket, at least I can get a new purse and some jeans before we go.

Forceful steps towards a greener planet.

As you all know, “Being Green” isn’t just for Kermit the frog anymore.  Saving the environment is a goal that has been around as long as I can remember.  From Rachel Carson’s Silent Spring to Woodsy the Owl and his “Give a Hoot” campain we have been aware of our negative effect on the planet.  The hole in the Ozone Layer, Smog, Acid Rain, pesticides, contaminated water, endangered animals, decreasing rain forests, litter, overfilled landfills, etc. etc. etc…..

Anyway, we all know about global climate change and how it’s mainly our fault.  I get it Al and Leo.  And I feel bad about it.  I try and shop locally, not waste anything, don’t litter, and don’t even drive a car for crying out loud!

Unlike many other Americans, however, I can’t afford to eat organic food all of the time, pay $50 for an ‘organic’ t-shirt, install solar panels on my face, or spend $40,000 on a hybrid car.  I won’t go into detail about my pathetic financial situation, but I’m sure a lot of you out there also cannot afford to be one of the stylish, Prius-driving, Whole Foods shopping ‘Green Elite.’ 

There is one thing I think everyone can do to help though, besides not being wasteful and not throwing your styrofoam out the SUV window, and that one thing is RECYCLE.

Okay, duh, you know that.  But guess what?  Not everyone CAN recycle!  It’s true.  Many places do not offer recycle pick up- just trash.  There may be a recycling depot across town somewhere, a few marked bins where you can dump your cardboard and cans, but when you don’t have a car or just aren’t aware of these stations then WTF?

Maybe you all are aware of this, but I was not.  Ever since I can remember my parents have had three bins in the garage.  A big one for trash, and two blue ones- for paper and plastic/aluminum.  My parents aren’t Greenpeace members or anything like that, we’ve just always recycled.  No big deal.  It was the same when I went to college, we had recycling cans by every garbage can, and every dorm room had three receptacles- one for trash, two for recyclables.

Much to my surprise when I got to where I live now, and also in the previous town I lived in… no recycling service!  Just those stupid recycling stations on the creepy side of town.  So last year, when I had my car, I of course drove all my recyclables down to the station every week, which was a pain in the ass but not so bad.  It was a small town so I figured they just didn’t have big recycling trucks coming by.  I highly doubt that everyone did this though… and I’m sure many people just did not recycle there.

Now that I am living in a city of nearly 250,000 people though, I am shocked that recycling isn’t something every household does automatically!  It’s one thing (I guess) when you live in the middle of nowhere with a handful of farmers that there isn’t a recycling truck coming in to town every week, but in a big city that offers every other service imaginable?  And with no car now I can no longer drag my cans down to the depot anymore… it’s too far.  I looked into recycling here and did find one service, but it costs $150!!  And as I mentioned before ‘Me + financial situation = pathetic’ so of course spending $150 on anything that’s not rent or food related is just not possible.  This really bothers me because I know there are plenty of other people out there throwing perfectly good cans and papers away because they don’t have another option, either no car- not enough money- or aren’t aware of alternative services.  So I get really angry when I see celebrities sucking themselves off over driving a hybrid and having a solar panel, when I can’t even recycle!  Shouldn’t recycling be mandatory?  Everyone can get trash pick up, so I don’t understand why recycling just doesn’t go hand in hand as a city service.  Recycling is the one thing anyone from any background with any income can do… and it isn’t available in many places.  This, to me, is bullshit.  And I think it’s insulting to make ‘being green’ some chic new campaign when the only ‘green living’ that is encouraged is the kind that results in spending ridiculous amounts of money on “organic” food and clothing, hybrid cars, etc.  Recycling is easy, doesn’t require any supplies other than a separate bin, and is an effective way to conserve resources- instead of just using newer ‘greener’ ones.

So I demand recycling be offered in every community, cost no more than trash pick-up, and be available to everyone.  Screw your dirty recycling depots behind the city industrial park, and fuck you assholes charging $150 for a good deed.  For now I will continue conserving energy, unplugging my computer at night, walking everywhere (even though that isn’t by choice), and using my reusable cloth grocery bags.  But everytime I throw a can away or add another piece of junk mail to my paper filled bin (I just can’t bring myself to throw it out, so I just have a huge box full of paper sitting in my kitchen) I will cringe and miss my days back in my hometown where recycling was a given.  Meanwhile I am going to write to the city and suggest a change.

 

 

My Bestest Friend

In college I had two best friends, we did everything together and people laughed at how close we were- we were always together and always had our own little thing going on.  Then, I won’t even waste my time going into details, the effects of 3 girls being friends surfaced and I was systematically squeezed out of our clan- the clan I started!  I was the main up of our little family… and those bitched turned on me.  But again, I won’t get into it.

The one friend burned me quite often with gossip and lies… so I was still nice to her but didn’t trust her or tell her anything.  The other friend was my best friend, I never had a friend like her before, she was like my sister.  Well, gossip and lies seaped into what remained of our friendship during our senior year of college, and it turned into a big stupid girl fight and we didn’t speak for months.  It was so serious that I actually removed her from my friend list on Facebook… true scandal. 

I still don’t even know what the Big Fight was even about, and it took me a year to stop giving a shit.  But this friend still e-mails me occassionally, making nice, acting like nothing happened and that we’re still friends (even though I haven’t actually talked to her for 2 years).  She asks what I’m up to, saw I got married and congratulated me, said she would like to talk on the phone, blah blah.  I would always write her back nice emails, telling her what I’ve been up to (trying to make it sound less depressing, of course), asking how her family was, how she was… and I even called her when she said she would like to talk- I left a message because she wasn’t there.  This is not a big deal… but she NEVER writes me back!  It is so annoying because I was fine with never talking to her again- that’s what I did with the lying friend- but she keeps writing me with her little feeder emails- trying to get dirt and being nosy.  She sends these feeder emails about every 3 or 4 months.  Asking me what I’m up to… I respond, and then ask her the same, and imply that I am expecting a letter or call back… and nothing.  What a fucking weirdo.  I’m not telling her anything else about me and my life… she’ll get a “fine, how are you” and that’s it. 

Girls- you are so dumb.  If you are mad at someone, tell them why.  If you hear someone gossiping about your friend, just don’t tell them- it’s hurtful- but don’t join in the gossip either.  If your friend has a boyfriend and isn’t spending enough time with you, deal with it- you’ve seen the last scene of Bambi right?  All the animals pair off with their significant other and that’s just too bad.  And if you want to keep in touch/ keep tabs on someone- have to common decency to reciprocate.