Marc Emery- Important for Pot heads!!

If you live in Canada, you may have heard of Marc Emery, the Prince of Pot.  If you live in the United States you may have heard of him too, although when I am in the US I never see any news coverage about him, 60 minutes did a show but that’s about it.

Anyway, Marc Emery is a Canadian Marijuana activist.  He opened Hemp BC in Vancouver, and also started Pot TV.  He is very passionate about legalizing marijuana and what’s not to love about that?  Read more about him here.

Anyway, along with his other accomplishments, Emery also sold marijuana seeds online.  In 2005, the United States DEA went into Canada and closed down Emery’s shop and seed business.  The United States went into Canada and enforced US LAW in CANADA???!!  YES!  Because, seeds were sold to customers in the United States.

Since then, Emery has been facing a possible life term in prison(under US law)- and today accepted a plea deal that would result in him spending 5-10 years in prison.  He did this to (obviously keep him out of a life term) AND to keep his two colleagues from having to serve sentences as well- one of his fellow activists who faced jail time has Crohn’s disease, and uses the drug to alleviate symptoms.  Just like millions of chronically ill people could benefit from.  I think if your condition is chronic, you should get a little chronic.

But what is wrong with this picture?  If you are a fellow pot head, you have probably come across a seed or two in your day.  Now, what would a weed lover do with a wayward seed?  Plant it!  And then you get a little sprout and your practically selling your crop already, and then you wake up 3 days later and your precious little sprout is flopped over dead.  It’s f-ing hard to grow pot!  You need a specific set-up and even the most basic equipment can be expensive.  So my guess is that over half of the US customers were probably stoners like me who think pot is as easy to grow as a Chia Pet, and produced no crop from these illegal seeds.  But does the United States care?  No, because the government refuses to recognize that pot is not on the same level as heroin and as usual, we make it our job to stick our nose in the business of other countries.  So I guess we’d rather import weed instead of have it grown at home.

I am outraged that Marc Emery has to serve jail time at all, what a criminal!  Rapists serve less time than him!  And I’m outraged that we are living in this nightmare world where alcohol and cigarettes are legal and BOTH can kill you, but a PLANT that is never fatal, is not addictive, and has no negative health effects is treated like a WMD. 

No wonder kids are dying from things like huffing and the choking game, Jesus if they had a couple joints on hand like normal teenagers are supposed to we wouldn’t have all these freaky accidents!  MySpace wouldn’t run their young lives and video games wouldn’t be turning young men into owl-eyed, nocturnal, I-can’t-change-a-flat-but-I-can-work-a-machine-gun-in-halo, and girls into catty text-messaging Paris Hilton carbon copies (Paris smokes pot though, but I couldn’t think of anything else).  And adults could fucking relax once in a while instead of filling their time with work/tv/work/tv.  People could have a reason to get together and visit, instead of living isolated lives and only getting together for holidays. 

“Hey Neighbor, want to pop into my garage and want to help me smoke this joint?”

“Sure, I just got home from work and would love to experience human interaction instead of watching television until bed.  Crimeny, I just spend 8 hours staring at a computer and truthfully, I’m lonely.  My kids spent all night in their rooms watching tv, text-messaging, going on MySpace and huffing spraypaint.  And my wife just watches reality tv while drinking wine from a box.  When she isn’t doing that she’s busy buying the latest sheet set from the Martha Stewart collection.  I really don’t see my family at all, and we don’t laugh together anymore.”

“Well” says the joint-providing neighbor as they proceed into his garage, “my family used to have the same problem, and while my wife still has the occassional box of wine and my kids still have cybersex on MySpace with men my age, I have found solace in this special time I like to call After-Work-Daddy’s-In-The-Garage-Hour.  My family knows they can come into join me, and sometimes my wife does and we laugh and talk about funny things and split a bag of Doritos, it’s really helped our relationship”

“Wow, that sounds wonderful, perhaps I’ll occassionally do the same, it’s not that expensive and it’s not bad for you, and if it encourages interaction with me and my family then why wouldn’t I try it?” 

“You know, Neighbor, we live in a lonely world, and sometimes I think this little plant” (motioning to a small terrarium with 1 pot plant thriving) “is the only thing that truly helps me relax while living in this problem ridden society”

BOOM BOOM BOOM- garage door blows off it’s tracks- men wearing gas masks and weilding maching guns and shields burst in and immediately taser Neighbor and Neighbor with Joint.  Both men are currently serving 9 years in jail.

The End

JUST LEGALIZE IT ALREADY YOU FOOLS!  CANADA IS GETTING CLOSE, THE UNITED STATES NEEDS TO WAKE UP AND GET ITS PRIORITIES IN ORDER.

I guess I’ll go drink a liter of vodka and smoke a carton of cigarettes now, totally legal, totally acceptable.  Fucking backwards.

The Girlfriends

Well I wrote a whole thing about why I haven’t been writing lately, and about my latest adventure last weekend, etc.  And my lovely computer let me finish and then crashed.  I could go back and just post what I wrote because it got saved as a draft- but I’m going to take a hint from my computer and just re-write the whole thing.  The first one must have been pretty bad because my computer never crashes!

So anyway…

I haven’t been writing because I’ve been busy doing other things- outside- and high.  So I haven’t written.  But it was really nice to read all the nice comments about my ‘Bees to the Face’ post.

So enough updates… and now for my latest Canadian Adventure: Hockey Season begins, and I’m one of the players’ womenfolk.

You see, in hockey, the men play the game and all the girlfriends and wives go to the games and watch- together.  We had ‘The Girlfriends’ in the States when my husband played there, but they were a little different.  I didn’t sit with them when I went to the game because, well I had better things to do.  This hockey season in Canada, however, things are different- and I really don’t have anything better to do!  But I was pleasantly surprised by this native group of girlfriends, and then drunk, and then sick. 

6:30 pm Friday- We get a ride outside of the city to the rural town where this night’s game is taking place.  And when I say rural town, I really mean it.  The player giving us a ride was instructed by his girlfriend to drop me off at a house they were at on the way to the game.  I am deposited and the men leave.

7:30 pm- It is me, The Girlfriends, and a couple of boys who don’t play on the hockey team.  We drink and watch Canadian football. 

***  Now- I am NOT a drinker, I may get high like Snoop Dogg but I rarely drink.  When I drank in college I turned into a slut, when I drank after college I got sick… so I really don’t enjoy it, but sometimes….

8ish- whatever, it doesn’t matter what time it is- we leave for the game, late, and with 5 of us crammed in a small vehicle we drive along the deserted, snow covered roads towards the hockey rink, passing wine coolers around as we go.  I don’t condone drinking and driving, but I wasn’t driving!  Ha!  No, seriously, no one was on the road so if we crashed we would have only hurt ourselves- we would possibly be found three weeks later frozen to death under a make-shift pile of lycra, fleece, and hair.

Anyway, we get there safely and bypass the hockey rink for the curling rink (where the beer garden is) and YES- this tiny town has both a hockey rink AND a curling rink, how delightfully Canadian

So we go to the beer garden and drink some more, occassionally going into the hockey rink to check the score- mainly focusing on strutting around like hot shit groupies (at least that’s what I was doing- because I was DRUNK).

The game ends, the men sniff us out and join us in the curling rink.  We all drink and eat stale chips together, my husband looks at me and knows I’m drunk, and promptly switches tables- he’s been down this road before.

Then, the queen of The Girlfriends (there is always a Queen, she is either a) the prettiest, b) is dating the best player on the team, c) is most popular/ always knows what’s going on.)  So the Queen invites me out to some strangers car to smoke weed.  For some reason she pegged me for a stoner- go figure.  So we go out to this random car, I roll a joint, and we smoke the car owner’s weed. 

About 15 minutes later we emerge from the car, and I am realizing that I am wasted off my ass.  We go back inside and after swallowing my own puke a few times I figure I should head to the bathroom… I stay there because I am too dizzy to make an entrance back into the beer room and am too embarrassed to crawl.  Eventually one of the girls comes in and asks if I’m okay- I say I’m fine, just drunk and sick… then finally my husband came to my rescue and we got a ride home from the Queen and her boyfriend.

Needless to say, I was humiliated… yet I feel like I have passed any kind of weird initiation into Canadian culture.  Being one of The Girlfriends at a hockey game is probably going to be a big part of my winters, and if I had to drink myself stupid and then puke in some random bathroom then fine!  I’ll be ready for the next game.  And looking back on some of my past drunken endeavors, this was really not bad at all.  At least I had the sense to stay in the bathroom, not come on to someone’s boyfriend, dance, tell jokes, or try to drive. 

Did I miss something here?

 I think a large portion of the population probably think marijuana should be legalized.  No matter what your reason is for wanting it legalized, it is important to recognize why it was outlawed in the first place!  Marijuana has been around for centuries, and people have been getting high for just as long.  Afterall, it’s just a plant.  A plant that is actually relatively easy to cultivate (in the right conditions) and whose close relative (Hemp) is potentially one of the most useful natural resources available.  

Also, there is no proof that marijuana is more harmful than alcohol (if anything, alcohol is much more dangerous-See NORML link below) and we all know it isn’t as bad as the chemical soaked nicotine we inhale all day either!  So why, you ask, is little old marijuana still illegal?  Why are pot dealers sitting in jail longer than some pedophiles?  Marijuana does not cause cancer, it does not rot your teeth or make you violent, it probably impairs driving skills but so does alcohol, prescription drugs, and cough medicine. 

So what the hell is this pot prohibition?  It isn’t harmful to our bodies (not that this should matter, since there are plenty of harmful subtances out there are harmful AND legal), it doesn’t cause people to commit crimes, it’s sibling  hemp could possibly prove to be a whole new prosperous industry world-wide, and look at all the people who support legalizing it!  This is a democracy, isn’t it?  And I don’t just want to get high and eat Doritos, I want to exercise my basic human rights and put what I want in MY body!  Excuuuussee Me!

Marijuana is illegal in a society where alcohol is pushed as a dietary staple (especially for college students), prescription drugs are dispensed like Skittles, and pollution is a daily dosage that no one is doing anything about.  So what is the big deal about adding in some pot to our already toxic mix?  Pot would at least calm us down, get us off our sleeping pills, cure our chemo-induced nausea, and possibly (with hemp) put clothes on our polyester and lycra covered backs!  It’s not crystal meth or something, it’s not going to make you crazy or kill you.  It’s going to get you high, help you relax, and you aren’t going to bother anybody.

Pot is illegal because of money.  Big surprise right?  But there’s more… the man behind the early Drug War, HarryJ.Anslinger, had some interesting ties that may have to do with the demonization of cannabis.  Back in the 1920’s and 30’s, when Anslinger was serving as the Assistant Prohibition Commissioner, he decided to drum up some negativity towards the drug to get his own name in the history books.  Interestingly enough, Anslinger was also good friends with William Randolph Hearst (magazine mogul) and the DuPont family, whose patented petroleum compounds could easily be replaced by the more simple and natural hempseed oil.  So, while stirring up anti-marijuana scare tactics and appeasing his buddies, Hearst and the DuPonts, Anslinger successfully fucked over all us potheads for the past 90 years.

He falsley claimed marijuana turned good men evil, and was being used and abused mainly by the already “bad” minority groups.  What a way to win people’s support, through blatent racism.  Here are some of his prize-winning bumper sticker slogans.

So, for no real reason at all, Anslinger and all the Drug War supporters after him have been making this “evil plant” illegal simply to convince themselves they’re helping, but really they are just suffocating what could be a prosperous and ecologically friendly industry (HEMP) and making regular people criminals.  So I have never gotten so much as a speeding ticket, but in the United States I could face jail time for having some leaves on me.  Meanwhile, there are people who still have their driver’s licenses after 2 DUIs, pedophiles being allowed to live a block away from an elementary school, and my neighbor getting completely fucked up off Xanax every day of her life and driving and caring for children.  What is wrong with this picture?  Doesn’t it maybe seem like there are some other motives for keeping pot illegal besides its “negative” effects?  Think about it:

Early protests against taxing marijuana

the Miracle Drug

Costs of illegal marijuana

My Houseplants Talk to Me

Well another day of putzing around, waiting for Canada to let me start working.  I get my couch delivered today, which is nice.  I think everyone takes having a sofa for granted, but I’ve been seeing on the f-ing floor for a month now and it’s starting to get kind of old.  During the day it’s okay, because I’m up and around doing things and if I’m not sitting in front of the computer doing something stupid (no offense I’m usually outside or in the kitchen, or doing laundry, etc.  But at night time, when I feel like relaxing and watching some tv it SUCKS.   I sit on the floor like a 5 year old, except I’m not 5 so my body is not great at sitting on the floor for extended periods, so my ass is sore and I’m cold and it sucks and dammit I cannot wait for my couch to get here!

It’s a great couch too, it’s a sectional with a sofa bed and it was on sale.  It will make it look like we have more stuff too, because it will take up more room.  Right now my apartment looks like the flophouse of a few unsuccessful musicians, minus the pot.  Which leads me to my next thought of the day…

Why the hell isn’t pot legal yet?  I’ve been smoking pot for about 7 years now, and have never had a problem.  I got good grades in school, never had any run ins with the law (not even a speeding ticket!) and have always been okay at supporting myself, getting dressed in the morning, keeping my underwear on, etc.  Also, during an extended period of being sick for no reason (for some reason, I was nauseous for about 2 months straight) and weed was the only thing that helped! 

So why the hell isn’t it at least legal for medicinal reasons???  Why can’t someone with cancer get high if the feel like it?  Why can’t someone who is depressed use it to get their minds off their sadness?  Why can’t I go to the pharmacy and pick some up if I’m dealing with one of my bouts with unexplained (and it is unexplained, I went to the doctor) nausea?  A little grass never hurt anyone.  And it doesn’t lead to other drugs.  If you started with grass it’s probably just because more commonly found than other illegal drugs.  And if you move on to other “hard drugs” then you were probably bound to use them anyway, regardless of whether or not you smoked pot in college or something.  Does anyone else agree with me?  Does anyone else think that having pot outlawed is the dumbest thing ever?  I think alcohol and cigarettes are WAY worse, and maybe someday I will lay out my points to support that.